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Outward

January 1, 2017

2016 was the first time in close to a decade that I didn’t blog anywhere on the internet. In a way, that started with NYE 2015, as even in my recent lean blogging years, I sat down and wrote something at the end of the year. On NYE 2016, the thought occurred but went away quickly, largely apropos of the rest of the year spent away from this and other blogging spaces. To say I was silent online wasn’t entirely true (although I took various unannounced Twitter breaks, largely outside of baseball season, I stayed relatively active there and on IG), but it was a year away from a lot of the places that started to feel pro forma. It started by saying less, eventually reading less as well.

One of the realizations I had toward the end of 2016 was that my life was often better when it was offline; rather, 2016 was the first year where the internet didn’t feel like it enriched my life, and I think that was on me. The best way to deal with this was to pull back and pull inward, but honestly it wasn’t a year of true introspection, as I’ve done my best processing out loud (or at least outward facing). At most, it was a year of quiet and silence, and at times quieting the noise felt therapeutic (or at least less tiring). It was a trying year for many people close to me, and I’ve realized that it was an exhausting year for me, and looking back, I’ve had to work to find the good (and, in some cases, legitimately great) things throughout the year. In past years, the digital record in places like this made this reflection easier, but this year is “off the record.” I found the value in embracing quiet, but it left a lot of the things I’d like to remember going forward rendered mute.

In past years, with mixed results, I’ve fought back any instinct to make big proclamations or resolutions, and I’m not going to now. I’ve enjoyed tuning out a lot of the noise, but I’m not OK being completely quiet, and in the past, I’ve used spaces like this one to scream. I’m going to try this for myself however often I can spare to do this, I’m going to turn off the auto-sharing, and when something feels right to tweet or share, I’ll do it, and if nobody reads the rest of it, that’s fine with me. At worst, it will be there waiting for me to read another time, and at best, it will feel good just getting it out of my head.

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